Loneliness, often ignited by some form of difficult separation (particularly divorce or the death of a spouse), is a destructive spirit designed by Satan to place us in bondage. Unprepared, we easily fall victim to its accompanying emotions: despair, grief, depression, and bitterness. These emotions intensify when we are thrust into the roles of single parenting and head of household. This does not automatically mean that we have to be lonely and discouraged. Loneliness can be defeated!
Recognize Loneliness for What It Is
First, we must not allow our feelings of loneliness to run unchecked. We need to recognize its deceitfulness from the onset and know that its primary goal is to separate us from God. We can’t be bitter or angry. Instead, we must identify and subdue the true adversary – the devil. The Word counsels us to “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8 NIV). We lean on God, who always grants compassion and safety to those who have suffered loss. We can use our status of single parent as an opportunity to experience the fullness of God’s love – to fill our minds with God’s Word and reject the lies from the devil.
Identify Strongholds
In addition, we must combat loneliness by identifying it as a stronghold – a prison that has the potential to hold us captive to psychological, physical, and sensual emotions; it must be resisted and torn down. We are instructed to “Resist the devil, and he will flee from you” (James 4:7b NIV). To resist means to actively oppose those thoughts and imaginations that are not of God, who never intended for us to be ruled by emotions like despair, loneliness, and grief, but instead, by His Holy Spirit. We must press forward to the things that God has planned for us and our children: “…plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11b NIV).
Don’t Allow Loneliness to Affect Your Relationships
Equally important, we need to realize that loneliness, if allowed to run unchecked, will interfere with our ability to successfully parent our children (who may also be grieving) and strain our relationships with family and friends. Sometimes, family and friends will remove themselves from us if our out-of-control emotions make us unpleasant to be around or we may voluntarily isolate ourselves. More often, caught up in the tentacles of shame and false pride, we may not ask for well-needed help or may even reject it. These are all dangerous places to be because we, and our children, need a network of support to navigate through turbulent times. Having adult friends and family to spend time with is important.
Do Not Ignore Your Feelings of Loneliness
Finally, we should neither ignore nor entertain feelings of loneliness and despair. While we may initially experience grief and loneliness, it is important that we confront negative thoughts and, above all, include God in our journey back to wholeness. He’s an expert at healing broken or hurting hearts and at delivering His children from the pitfalls of the enemy. He can take our anger, even when it is directed at Him! We must allow the Holy Spirit, our Comforter, access to our emotions.
Loneliness is a thief that can rob us of God’s promised peace, rest, and joy. Finding wholeness should be our goal, and the only way to do so is to embrace the love and promises Jesus purchased for us. According to Hosea 2:19, God betroths us to Him in righteousness, judgment, love, and compassion. He can do this through the indwelling Holy Spirit, who, like a spouse, yearns for our love and attention. It is through the Holy Spirit that God aids us in our fight to overcome loneliness, as well as its accompanying strongholds. “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7 NKJV).
“Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning” (Psalm 30:5b NKJV).
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